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Facing denial, particularly when it recurs often, is far from pleasant. A publisher is declining your work, giving a clear “Nope.” Working in writing, I am no stranger to rejection. I began pitching articles half a century past, just after completing my studies. Since then, I have had multiple books rejected, along with nonfiction proposals and many essays. Over the past two decades, concentrating on commentary, the refusals have grown more frequent. On average, I receive a setback multiple times weekly—adding up to in excess of 100 each year. Cumulatively, rejections over my career run into thousands. At this point, I might as well have a advanced degree in handling no’s.

However, is this a woe-is-me outburst? Far from it. As, now, at the age of 73, I have accepted being turned down.

How Have I Accomplished It?

A bit of background: Now, nearly every person and others has said no. I haven’t tracked my acceptance statistics—that would be quite demoralizing.

For example: not long ago, a newspaper editor rejected 20 submissions consecutively before accepting one. A few years ago, over 50 editors declined my memoir proposal before someone approved it. Subsequently, 25 literary agents declined a project. One editor even asked that I submit potential guest essays only once a month.

My Phases of Rejection

Starting out, each denial hurt. I took them personally. It was not just my writing being rejected, but me as a person.

No sooner a piece was turned down, I would go through the phases of denial:

• First, shock. How could this happen? How could editors be overlook my talent?
• Second, denial. Surely it’s the incorrect submission? Perhaps it’s an oversight.
• Third, dismissal. What can editors know? Who appointed you to decide on my efforts? They’re foolish and their outlet is subpar. I deny your no.
• After that, anger at them, then frustration with me. Why would I subject myself to this? Could I be a masochist?
• Fifth, bargaining (preferably mixed with optimism). What will it take you to see me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Then, sadness. I’m no good. What’s more, I’ll never be successful.

This continued over many years.

Excellent Company

Certainly, I was in good company. Accounts of creators whose work was initially turned down are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Nearly each famous writer was initially spurned. Since they did succeed despite no’s, then possibly I could, too. The basketball legend was not selected for his youth squad. Most US presidents over the recent history had been defeated in campaigns. Sylvester Stallone claims that his script for Rocky and attempt to appear were turned down 1,500 times. He said rejection as a wake-up call to wake me up and persevere, rather than retreat,” he has said.

Acceptance

Later, when I entered my later years, I entered the final phase of rejection. Peace. Now, I more clearly see the multiple factors why a publisher says no. For starters, an editor may have already featured a like work, or have something underway, or be thinking about that idea for another contributor.

Alternatively, more discouragingly, my submission is uninteresting. Or maybe the evaluator feels I don’t have the experience or standing to be suitable. Perhaps isn’t in the market for the work I am offering. Or didn’t focus and scanned my piece too fast to recognize its abundant merits.

Feel free call it an epiphany. Everything can be rejected, and for any reason, and there is pretty much not much you can do about it. Many rationales for denial are forever not up to you.

Manageable Factors

Additional reasons are within it. Admittedly, my proposals may from time to time be poorly thought out. They may not resonate and resonance, or the idea I am attempting to convey is insufficiently dramatised. Alternatively I’m being obviously derivative. Or something about my writing style, particularly commas, was offensive.

The key is that, despite all my years of exertion and rejection, I have achieved published in many places. I’ve authored two books—the initial one when I was 51, the next, a memoir, at 65—and in excess of numerous essays. Those pieces have featured in magazines large and small, in regional, worldwide outlets. An early piece appeared when I was 26—and I have now contributed to that publication for five decades.

Yet, no bestsellers, no signings in bookshops, no spots on talk shows, no presentations, no book awards, no Pulitzers, no Nobel, and no national honor. But I can more easily accept no at this stage, because my, admittedly modest accomplishments have eased the jolts of my many rejections. I can afford to be philosophical about it all today.

Valuable Setbacks

Setback can be instructive, but provided that you listen to what it’s trying to teach. Or else, you will probably just keep taking rejection incorrectly. So what insights have I acquired?

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